When The Phone Don’t Ring, I Know It’s Barry

Howie Carr has welcomed Obama to the Bay State with a letter.  Grab a cup of coffee and be prepared to have a good laugh.

Dear Barack:

Welcome to Massachusetts, or as you call it, Massa-TU-setts. Many of us think it’s one of the most beautiful of our 50 states – excuse me, 57 states.

First things first, Mr. President. Vacations are a time for family, and yours includes Auntie Zeituni. Do you know how neglected she feels up there in Southie in that sweltering Section 8 apartment?

She says, when the phone don’t ring, I know it’s Barry.

Here’s a suggestion: Call Sen. Kerry. You may have heard – his second wife’s first husband’s trust fund just bought the senator a new boat. Liveshot could sail The Botched Joke to Boston, pick up Auntie Zeituni at the Dorchester Yacht Club and bring her back to the islands. Maybe he and Mama T would even invite you over to Nantucket for dinner. From Brant Point, he could point out to you where Deval’s wind turbines will be going up to destroy the view.

For the sake of maintaining good will with the natives, Mr. President, I’d try to minimize the number of visits to the villages. Despite what your parrots on CNBC keep saying, the economy sucks, even in Beautiful People-land, and the local merchants don’t need those hourlong shutdowns of their assorted main drags here at the end of the tourist season.

Keep reading.